Woulda Coulda Shoulda. I still remember the first time I heard that phrase. It was from the early career emoting of a young actor in the 1965 film Inside Daisy Clover. I had read the novel and was intrigued enough by the story to seek out the film at the local downtown theatre . This was before ratings were installed on films so I was not restricted and didn't need a parent/guardian to babysit me that day, altho I was barely 11. With my dimes and nickles for my ticket and the Kewpee burger I snuck inside, I took my aisle seat the same as I do today. I was especially happy that one of my favorite actors was playing Daisy. Natalie Wood completely took over the screen in just about any movie she had made until that time. But this young man who seemed so sure of himself in his roll stunned me. As many of his acts of defiance to his boss, he wraps Daisy up in adult lies and subtle truths as he steals her away in elopement and ruins his life and in many ways hers. Daisy has many days of Woulda Coulda Shoulda. Until she takes her life back for her own, amid coffee, sand and her extreme statement of never being owned again. That young actor who gave her a tiny bit of defiance as a catalyst was Robert Redford--who has never backed down to anyone in real life.
We all have regrets. We all have a guilt that has a control over us that we don't understand. We all have dreams we let go, dreams that turned into nightmares, dreams that turned into realities we loved and are much more than we ever hoped for. The remorse of a life not fully lived or a day or hour lost along the way to other joys and distractions is a part of each person.
I ask would you trade some of the good times, the one day or year or lifetime that was better than expected for a chance to go back for one that you had to or was forced to let go? Do you let the Woulda Coulda Shoulda consume you, do you let it pass to more regrets or do you realize that you perhaps replaced a big heartache or two with many small satisfactions and bits of happiness that help plug the sieve that is somehow draining your life?
This blog I hope, will allow me to expose the Woulda Coulda Shoulda in my life and free me from the pain that it inflicts at times. I want to release the demons, the things that control my life to the point of making me ill. Daisy's last words in the film are "Someone declared war !" Then she sips her coffee, looks back and tosses the cup on the beach.
Today, someone declares war!